What if I don’t feel like doing it?

29 December, 2016

Our schedule, the children, work, our duties… Sometimes we just stop wanting to have sex and don’t even know why, and therefore our relationships happen less frequently. What should we do to increase our libido without going to therapy? Keep reading to learn more.

 I don’t feel like having sex… Is it normal?

Some people say that the most erogenous area in hor body is our brain and they’re 100% right: the brain plays a key role in our erotism. A fantasy can make us reach amazing pleasure and some social restrictions, such as taboos or education, can block us in bed. That’s why sometimes the lack of desire is due to a psychological reason, more than a physical one.

When there’s a lack of sexual desire it’s important to think about the reasons and the mechanisms under our libido decreasing.

Causes of libido loss

  • A couple’s intimate life is ever changing and, obviously, things are not like the first day. If the passion falls that’s completely natural. The crush phase is temporary and the temperature drops after the first few years. This is frustrating for some people, and causes problems sometimes, as a member of the couple can be more passional in relation to the other.
  • “Oh, same thing?”, is what many men and women wonder when sexual encounters turn into a routine as boring as doing groceries or the dishes. Having sex in the same spot and position can lead to boredom and libido loss.
  • Not finding a while to enjoy. Women in particular need some time to experience a fulfilling, satisfactory intercourse. That’s why our rushed lifestyle can be one of the reasons we’re lacking of sexual apetite. Sex needs time. Consider it an investment.
  • Not talking through it. If you notice that you don’t feel like having sex or that your partner isn’t much into it anymore, you shouldn’t stick to it but bring up the topic. Talking about sex is possitive and always helps to know our partner’s expectations, how would they like to do it, their fantasies, if they don’t feel like having sex anymore and why… Communication and trust are key to fixing any problem regarding our sexual desire.

How can I increase my libido?

Once you notice the lack of sexual desire, there’s a long way to go. You can’t just do nothing, but have to rediscover sex, just like sex therapist Laurie Watson recommends in her book Wanting Sex Again. This work focuses on how to revive women’s libido, but can be useful for any couple looking for a more frequent sexual activity or a change in their sex life.

It might sound cliché, but it’s important to remember that foreplay is super important, even more than size, age and any other factor. Playing before penetration is essential for women to be aroused. It might be the case that a man or a woman loses interest in having sex because they’re not really excited when they do it. Work on stimulation and make an effort to awake your partner’s imagination.

Self-confidence is essential. Life yourself, love yourself, feel sexy and don’t overthink. If you know your partner likes stroking, go for it! You’ll soon be rewarded. Penetration isn’t a goal itself, but a way to sexual pleasure: enjoy every inch of your partner’s skin and let yourself go. The room will be on fire before you could even notice!

Clichés such as morning sex or any moment being the right moment don’t work when it comes to a lack of libido. Women in particular need to build up in order to have sex and are usually affected by emotional issues such as fights or bad vibes. If you just had a fight, don’t try make up sex. It’s bound to go wrong.

Visit a doctor or a therapist if it keeps going

If you still have issues after trying everyhing above, your lack of sexual desire might be due to an emotional block or a phyisical problem. If that’s the case, a professional is definitelly necessary to solve it. Sex therapy is getting more and more common, particulary in big cities. Don’t be shy to talk about it with your doctor, they can surelly help you out so you can be back to your amazing sex life.

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