Why do we have sexual fantasies?

21 December, 2016

We’re sure you’re familiar with this: you’re definitelly into your partner, but every now and then you fantasize about other people: that quiet co-worker, some random stranger you share a few glances in the metro with, or maybe even someone your same sex. Does that mean you don’t love your partner enough? That couldn’t be more wrong. Actually, having sexual fantasies is perfectly normal and even positive for our relationship.

Is it normal?

Having sexual fantasies is way more common than we might think, and very usual amongst both men and women. Being able to visualise a hypothetical encounter is healthy, it stimulates our imagination and empowers our sexuality. The problem comes when these fantasies make us feel uneasy, as we wouldn’t actually want to recreate the situation, or they make us feel guilty. As traditionally our education has been very restrictive in terms of sexuality, there is a lot of people that supress this kind of thoughts or feel bad about them. However, fantasies shouldn’t be a reason of shame, but an stimulus to our relationshop. Trying to make sense out of visualising an atypical situation can only bring negative consequences. If you have a scene in mind and you it’s amusing and arousing, the best thing to do is let it go and enjoy it as it is, just a fantasy.

Are fantasies cheating?

The content of an erotic fasntasy can be surprising as it doesn’t necessarily correlate with our conscious desire: orgies, same sex relationships, pretending to be something different… This kind of thoughts come from our unconscious libido, which doesn’t necessarily mean we want them to happen in real life, but we only like to think about it. Supressing this kind of mental scene would be as negative as any other supression. You shouldn’t feel guilty in regards to your significant other either, cause thouhghts don’t mean you’re being unfaithful. The problem comes when this fantasies become an obsession that keeps us from enjoying with our partner or when this fiction makes us feel particularly bad.

Then here comes the reasonable doubt. “Should I share my thoughts with my partner?” It really depends on the kind of relationship we have and how open minded our significant other is. Sometimes, sharing our fantasies is some extra fun for the lovers, who use them as inspiration for their sexual encounters or even go for a full recreation.

Are sexual fantasies wrong?

Fantasising about having same-sex relationships or imagining your partner in a submissive sado-masochist role doesn’t make you a pervert. This kind of mind games is quite like dreams, which you shouldn’t be ashamed or guilty of. These imagination acts are not inherently good or bad and, of course, shouldn’t make you feel bad. You should simply take them as another fitting alternative in a healthy and fulfilling sexuality. Some false myths regarding sexual fantasies sustain that they must always be shared with your partner, that they match real desires or even that they are a symptom of emotional instability. On the contrary, picturing unrealistic love encounters will allow you to get to an intimate knowledge of yourself, improve your erotic activity, estimulate playing capacity and real situation interaction as well as increase your self-steem and relief your tension and stress.

What’s the most common fantasy?

First of all, we have to remark that erotic fantasy are equally comon within men and women. If you’re curious about how rare are your fantasies, you might be surprised. According to a research conducted by the University of Montreal, the most common fantasy among both men and women is “experiencing romantic feelings during the sexual encounter.” The most common fantasies include oral sex, public places or a partner that’s not the usual one. For women, the romantic content is particularly relevant, and for men, having sex with two women is the most common one.

Now that you know, you shouldn’t be surprised next time you have a hot thought. Just don’t obsess about making it happen and enjoy it, with your partner or on your own.

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